Compassion, Kindness, and Self Love

I firmly believe in the rule that we all should treat others the way we want to be treated. I often feel like I don't treat myself that well. I feel guilty a lot about things I can't control, especially if it comes to my panic attacks or anxiety. This guilt weighs me down, and trust me I already have a lot of  baggage. Am I really being compassionate towards myself? I know I wouldn't tell someone in one of my groups that they should feel guilt or shame about their panic attacks. Why is it okay for me to tell myself that? As I have become more and more involved in my groups on Facebook, I see how negative self talk can really be damaging toward a person. I have to change this about myself. I need to learn to love myself more and accept my shortcomings. If I can accept them in others and look past them, I need to be able to practice what I preach toward my own self.

 My panic attacks have improved over the past couple days and I am not sure why or exactly how. I have gone 3 days without any attack, I have had anxiety though. Not that I am complaining. In the back of my mind, there is the fear that they are going to come back with a vengeance and be a huge attack that will be devastating. That I will feel immense remorse for not having a better grip on myself. If I have one, I will chastise myself for not going longer without one. I know these thoughts are what feeds my beast. I never feel as low as when I have an attack and can't calm down or when I have to take an Ativan. I want to be able to say " You know what, you need to accept that it's okay that you can't always hold back the tide, you are okay. I still love you" to myself. I want to be able to treat myself with the same kindness I so easily give to others. I want that inner peace that others have, and that eludes me. I have to break free.

I have been learning many new techniques, joined a bunch of groups and classes, and have made some amazing progress. I think maybe it is time I acknowledge the steps I have taken and feel some pride, instead of shame and self-condemnation. I'm going to challenge every negative thought with a truism and fact and do it more often. This is a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy technique that works during a panic attack, so I don't see why it can't work here. I hope it does, all I want is to be healed and be a good person inside and out.