Generalized Anxiety Disorder A.K.A Worry-Wart-Itis

 For as long as I can remember, I've always been a worrier. I grew up with a mother who had Multiple Sclerosis. When I was about 8, she stopped being able to walk. I had to grow up very fast and assume more adult responsibilities. When I was really little, I would worry about ghosts, things happening at night, robbers, if my mom and dad really loved me, if people were mad at me. As I grew up into an adolescent, I added worrying about my weight, about having a boyfriend, about doing well in school, not having many friends, and feeling like an outcast.  Tie all this in with the constant worrying about if my mom was okay, the stress of her being in and out of the hospital, being bullied at school, being physically/verbally abused at home by a relative, the guilt I felt over not being as good of a daughter as I could have, pressure to succeed, not having anyone to relate to.................it is no wonder I developed mental illnesses when I grew up.

   I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder in conjunction with Panic Disorder. I always knew something was wrong with my worrying, but never had a name to put to it. I am not able to stop the constant stream of WHAT IF? thoughts flowing through my head. I worry about the most mundane things as well. I have a problem with the unknown, and I will worry about the future until the answers reveal themselves. I also have developed phobias due to this constant worrying and avoiding the anxiety that comes along with it. Hi, my name is AnxietyGal and I have a problem.

   I have an entire list of things I distress about on any given day, most of which are really ridiculous.
I agonize over medication side effects to the point that I avoid taking new medications if at all possible, I worry about dying a lot from an undiagnosed disease, I worry about brain aneurysms, deep vein thrombosis, and pulmonary embolisms, I worry my boyfriend won't love me anymore, I worry that I will drive my friends and boyfriend away, I worry that I am nuttier than previously thought, I worry about not having any money, I worry about having allergic reactions to food so I avoid certain foods that I think have caused them in the past, I worry about my throat closing up, I worry about my heart giving out from all the adrenaline rushing through me during a panic attack, I often think about no one believing me when something really bad is happening to me, I worry about dying alone, I worry about not pleasing my dad, I worry if people are mad at me, I worry that I am being punished for something I did in the past and this is why I have the cards I was dealt..........................and on and on and on. The anxiety about health and medications are probably the worst ones I deal with. I'm not allowed on WebMD anymore.

  My mind is like a broken record, it never shuts up unless I am asleep. I am pretty good at dulling it out though, I just have to keep busy. However, it's hard to keep busy 24/7. During those quiet moments with nothing to do, my brain starts up its chatter. I can worry myself into a panic attack quite easily.

How I have evolved.

It is hard being a worry-wart.