Hard

Lately, my panic attacks have come back in full force with new symptoms that scare me. I literally fear for my life more than ever. Yesterday, I felt as if I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I really thought about voluntarily checking myself in for a mental respite. I am losing my strength to battle against the panic. It takes over and I forget my techniques, I forget my goals, I forget everything. I just feel consumed, enmeshed, covered in it. I do not understand it. When I finally feel secure that I can beat it...........it comes back 10 times as hard with terrible new symptoms. I feel like I am Sisyphus, rolling my boulder up the hill forever. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sisyphus)  I am just going to have to keep trying. Keep going. I must never give up.