How to Help Someone With a Panic Disorder

 Most people in the world do not have an anxiety disorder. They have no frame of reference when it comes to how to deal with a friend, parent, spouse, partner, offspring that has a bona fide mental disorder. The general population only knows about mental illness from what they see in media, what they were told and what they were modeled as children, and their own personal/cultural beliefs.

   For example, let's discuss my father. He is 73, born and raised in the former Soviet Union. He did not come to the U.S until the late 70's. In his day, mental illness was not an acceptable diagnosis to have ( in fact it wasn't a diagnosis), and if you had one you were either considered the village idiot that people avoided, a hysterical woman, someone who was weak, touched by an unseen force, or just plain old sick and nutzo. You could expect to be locked away in an asylum if you were an embarrassment to your family, told to suck it up if you were still living with them, cast out on your own, beaten by your spouse, or avoided by the community. There was no mental health system, no help of any kind. Everyone was anxious about something, you weren't any more special because your anxiety was out of control. You were crazy and you needed to be able to control yourself, and that was that. This is called a bootstrap mentality. Suck it up and don't let it spill out.....EVER! In the present time, my dad understands there are mental illnesses, like schizophrenia. He only has references for the major ones. Panic disorder and anxiety disorder don't even register on his list. He thinks it is a problem with being scared, weak, and a character flaw. It should and can be gotten over. It better be done fast too. He can learn to be better about it, but because it has been so culturally ingrained, it may not ever be overcome fully. But, he is trying. That's all I can ask.

my dad's reaction

   You can educate yourself now ( before it is too late ) and try to react better toward the individuals you know with these illnesses. Be compassionate, this will help lessen the stigma that follows people like me around everyday.

   In order to help, first you must accept that it is in fact a real mental illness as stated in the DSM-5. There are certain criteria that must be met in order to be diagnosed. This diagnosis is not a character flaw or a moral failing. It is a defect in some areas in the brain that process fear and anxiety. This person's fight-or-flight response is all off and reacts during times where there is no outside danger. The person feels a certain symptom in their body out of nowhere or in a stressful situation, tunes in, and blammo the adrenaline goes crazy..in simple terms. Most of the time, this tuning in cannot be helped. People with anxiety disorders are hyper vigilant.

 

  Get yourself familiar with the symptoms of a panic attack. Your friendly, panicky person may have these symptoms: feeling like their heart is racing, intense heat, sweating, dizziness or lightheaded, a weight on their chest, a blockage in their throat, like their throat is closing up, not being able to swallow, they might have electrical sensations up and down their body, they are going to go out of control, they might have numbness in their extremities/tongue/lips, feeling short of breath, choking or gasping, heart palpitations, an intense feeling of dread, feeling like they might be having a heart attack or a brain aneurysm, they might get extremely shaky especially in their legs, they might have to vomit or have to use the bathroom urgently, hyperventilation, feeling like they are dying, wanting to run, wanting to get help immediately, feeling like they are moving a mile a minute, intense crying, anger, irritability, feelings of being trapped, etc. Basically, a panicked person feels like they are going to die and something extremely horrible is happening to them. They feel desperate and extremely frightened. This fear is more than just a regular fear, it is abject terror that is out of control.

  Now that you understand the symptoms you can learn what not to do during a panic attack. These things will definitely not help.

1. DO NOT EVER SAY "CALM DOWN". IF THIS PERSON COULD CALM DOWN THEY WOULD.
2. DO NOT FREAK OUT ALONG WITH THEM. THIS PERSON WANTS YOUR HELP AND TWO SCARED PEOPLE DOES NOT A HELPFUL SITUATION MAKE.
3. DO NOT TELL THEM TO "STOP IT, TO SUCK IT UP,  GET A GRIP, QUIT BEING HYSTERICAL, LOOK AT YOURSELF, YOU ARE EMBARRASSING, ETC." THIS DOES NOT HELP. THIS MAKES THE PERSON FEEL GUILTY.
4. DO NOT ASK THEM WHY THEY ARE PANICKING. MOST OF THE TIME THERE IS NO REASON THEY CAN THINK OF AT THE TIME.
5. DO NOT SAY "THERE IS NOTHING TO BE SCARED OF." IN THEIR MIND AND BODY THERE IS A LEGITIMATE FEAR. IT IS NOT A REAL FEAR, BUT IT IS REAL TO THEM AT THAT MOMENT.
6. DO NOT DISCOUNT THEIR FEELINGS OR SYMPTOMS. AS I SAID, THESE THINGS ARE REALLY HAPPENING TO THEM. THE SYMPTOMS ARE REAL.
7. DO NOT YELL AT THEM. THIS MAKES THEM EVEN MORE ANXIOUS. IT MAY EVEN MAKE THEM CRY, EXACERBATING THEIR BREATHING ISSUES.
8. DO NOT BLAME THEM. THEY CANNOT CONTROL WHAT IS HAPPENING.
9. DO NOT LEAVE THEM ALONE UNLESS THEY ASK YOU TO. SOMETIMES ALL THEY WANT IS REASSURANCE. FEELING ISOLATED IN THE MIDDLE OF FEELING LIKE YOU ARE DYING IS ONE OF THE WORST THINGS.
10. DON'T EXPECT THEM TO BE CURED IMMEDIATELY, THESE THINGS ARE NOT THAT EASY. MOST LIKELY, THIS PERSON WILL HAVE TIMES OF REMISSION, TIMES OF INTENSE PANIC, TIMES OF LESS ANXIETY. THIS DISORDER IS LIKE A ROLLER COASTER. DON'T GIVE UP ON THEM. THEY ARE TRYING THEIR BEST. MOST OF THESE PEOPLE DO NOT WANT TO BE LIKE THIS. IT IS NOT THEIR FAULT.
11. DO NOT GIVE THEM A GUILT TRIP. YES, IT IS HAPPENING AGAIN. IT WILL PROBABLY KEEP HAPPENING FOR A LONG WHILE. DO NOT MAKE THEM FEEL SHAME FOR WHAT THEY CAN'T ALWAYS CONTROL.THEY DIDN'T MEAN TO RUIN ANYTHING FOR YOU. DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY.
12. DO NOT EVER BE ANGRY AT THEM. BEING ANGRY AT SOMEONE FOR A PANIC ATTACK IS LIKE BEING ANGRY AT A STABBING VICTIM WHO IS BLEEDING. THEY CANNOT HELP IT!
13. DO NOT SAY "IT'S JUST A PANIC ATTACK, IT'S NOT SO BAD, STOP IT".........THEY CANNOT STOP IT AND IT IS BAD FOR THEM.

Here are some DO'S:
1. DO TALK TO THEM. MOST OF THE TIME THEY WANT TO BE REASSURED THAT THEY ARE GOING TO BE OKAY.
2. DO ASK THEM WHAT YOU CAN DO TO HELP THEM OUT. ASK THEM IF THEY TOOK THEIR MEDICINE IF THEY HAVE ANY, OR IF YOU CAN GET IT FOR THEM. OFFER WATER. HUGS. WHATEVER SEEMS COMFORTING. ACCEPT IT IF THEY WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE AS WELL.
3. DO SPEND TIME WITH THEM AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. YOUR PANICKY PERSON MIGHT FEEL GUILTY, DEPRESSED, ASHAMED, OR ISOLATED. TRY TO BE THERE FOR THEM AND MAKE THEM FEEL WELCOME.
4. DO MAKE A POINT TO UNDERSTAND THAT THIS PERSON MIGHT NOT WANT TO OR BE ABLE TO JOIN IN ALL ACTIVITIES. THIS IS HOW THE DISORDER IS AFFECTING THEM RIGHT NOW.
5. HELP THEM TO CALM DOWN. OFFER WAYS TO RELAX. EVEN JUST BE CLOSE TO THAT PERSON IS HELPFUL.
6. BELIEVE THE PERSON WHEN THEY SAY HOW THEY ARE FEELING. DO NOT DISCOUNT THEM, EVEN IF YOU KNOW IT ISN'T TRUE. REMEMBER IT IS REAL TO THEM. OFFER REASSURANCE THAT THE WORST NOT HAPPENING, AND REMEMBER THE SYMPTOMS ARE REAL THE FEAR IS NOT.
7. LEARN TO FORGIVE. SOMETIMES A PERSON'S ANXIETY MAY EFFECT YOUR LIFE. TRY TO REALIZE THAT IT IS NOT ON PURPOSE.
8. BE PROUD OF THEM IF THEY ARE IMPROVING. TAKE NOTICE.
9. TRY TO TALK THEM THROUGH AN ATTACK. USE A CALM VOICE AND REASSURE THEM THAT THEY ARE SAFE AND NOTHING BAD WILL HAPPEN. OFTEN TIMES, THEY ARE AFRAID THAT YOU WON 'T BE ABLE TO TELL IF IT REALLY IS A SERIOUS PROBLEM THAT NEEDS ATTENTION. REASSURE THAT YOU WILL CALL FOR HELP IF ANYTHING CHANGES THAT IS OUT OF THE ORDINARY FOR THEIR PANIC ATTACKS. FAMILIARIZE YOURSELF WITH THE PERSON'S PANIC ATTACK SYMPTOMS SO YOU CAN TELL WHEN SOMETHING IS REALLY WRONG.
10. DO OFFER TO HELP THEM DO ACTIVITIES THAT CAN TAKE THEIR MIND OFF OF THE PANIC. HELP THEM BREATHE AND CONTROL THEIR BREATHS.
11. OFFER A WAY TO ESCAPE, EVEN JUST A WALK OUTSIDE. TRY TO LET THE PERSON KNOW THEY ARE NOT TRAPPED.
12. WAIT IT OUT WITH THEM. ACKNOWLEDGE WHEN IT SEEMS THEY ARE CALMING DOWN AND CHECK IN WITH THEM. ASK HOW THEY ARE FEELING.
13.REMIND THE PERSON THAT THEY HAVE HAD THESE BEFORE AND GOT THROUGH THEM. THEY CAN DO IT AGAIN.
14. DO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT THEY MADE IT THROUGH, THAT THEY DID IT, AND THEY ARE OKAY.

 Remember, be patient, be kind, be gentle, be friendly, and be there.